I am staying in a hotel in lovely Chattanooga while working in one of the units here in the city. The hotel is ok, the city is clean and seems less crime ridden, and coked up than M-town. The people I am working with are nice, polite, and well mannered. Merita is in Dallas, but if I were in Memphis, Merita would still be in Dallas. So why am I so freaking out of sorts and unable to maintain my equilibrium? I went to Starbucks and by the skin of my teeth managed not to buy several cookies. I bought a cappuchino and sat in the car to drink it.
I am out of sorts. My routines are all thrown off and I am living life like some sort of alcoholic barely keeping it together as I trod from work to the hotel and back again. I got a membership to the Y to go work out but I don’t want to work out. I want this time in Chattanooga to over with and to be in Dallas. I want to be settled and I can’t seem to do that here. January is supposed to be the time I leave Chattanooga. I want to leave tomorrow.
Lonely. That is what this is. Loneliness. There is nothing else for it. It is a head thing. How do I deal with this? That is what I used food for. I would have ordered an extra large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms, and extra cheese, a two liter of Pepsi to wash it down and locked myself in the room and binged my way into sleepiness. So not going to do that. So not going to do that.